Do “they” put us in boxes, or do we?
Do “they” put us in boxes, or do we?
Bursting through the walls, floor and ceiling can be the thing that literally set us free.
Have you ever felt like you can’t share something about yourself because it doesn’t ‘fit’ within your community? I have. It’s not because I don’t want to share, it’s more a matter of fearing misjudgment. Fearing that an ill-informed assumption will be made about me. Most importantly, fearing that I won’t be understood.
I love indie-folk, and I love Taylor Swift. I enjoy tacky rom-coms, as well as insightful documentaries. I love living on the land, but love the vibrancy of travelling to cities. I practice Yin Yoga more than any other form, but crave the force of strength training. It’s all valid, and it’s all me!
These fears are reflections of my insecurities, of course, yet they’re also a nod to the society we live in and the subcultures that have shaped our lives for decades. It’s not a new notion, that like-minded people congregate together based on similar beliefs, values, interests, and lifestyles. They form communities, participate in events, share the same political views, dress similarly… you get the idea.
But I’ve never felt fully me within just one of these subcultures. And I can’t imagine how any of us would. When we surround ourselves with the same ‘type’ of people, something that can happen is we absorb others’ beliefs, opinions, and choices— without much regard or contemplation for how we feel.
It’s scary to rub up against the status quo, whatever that is. And I’m speaking of a status quo outside of the tired high school tale of ‘popular hot people’ and ‘alternative losers’ that plague media to this day (Why?! Aren’t we past that?).
This had me thinking– in high school, I never had a ‘group’ of friends because I didn’t feel like myself when I spent all my time with them. I had close friends, of course, but I moved around day to day depending on how I was feeling. I was acutely aware of the things I loved about them, but also the things I didn’t agree with. There wasn’t any bitterness or intolerance, it was just an observation that no one, no matter who they are, will ever be exactly like me. And what a joy!
Thinking about my interests and passions, they seem to extend beyond one sector of society. I love to create, I love to be outside, I love to be inside, I love to dance, I love to be still, I love bright colours, I love neutrals, I love peace, I love vibrancy. The spectrum is fluid, open, and most importantly, ever-changing!
“Nice to meet you, what do you do?”
I get asked often ‘What do you do,’ and I used to get anxious about it. Everyone expects you to answer with the thing that earns you money (work) or takes up most of your time (for example, studying x y z). I could confidently answer, once upon a time,
“I’m studying nutrition!”
“I’m, a yoga teacher!”
“I’m a nutritionist!”
“I’m a farmer!”
But now, I’m none of these things in exclusivity.
I’m not ‘working,’ and I don’t know when I will be again (a caveat that I acknowledge my privilege here and am extremely grateful to be in this position). In viewing my worth and sharing my passions, I can say that I love to draw, to move my body, to be in my garden, to travel, to care, to write, to sing, to facilitate, to create pottery.
Simply, when asked ‘what do you do’ as a means of people understanding me, I now say I am a woman of many passions…and see where it takes us in conversation.
And so I ask you, dear reader, what boxes do you put yourself in?
Do you label yourself as a singular profession, a singular interest, a singular lifestyle? Even if you can acknowledge other facets of yourself, how much light do you shine on those sides for the world to see? Is it you doing this, or is it your community?
If it is your community, are they truly supporting you? If a friend judges or condemns you for simply being YOU, are they really a friend?
Take my recent getaway as an example– I had the incredible opportunity to see Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour in Melbourne over the weekend, something that I’ve wanted to do for a very long time! Being the biggest contrast to my rural life, I took the weekend as a chance to express myself in ways I haven’t in years. I put (colourful!) makeup on, styled my hair, planned an extravagant outfit, made the iconic friendship bracelets, and had one of the most incredible nights of my life. It was a joyful, vibrant, explosive evening full of indescribable energy. I felt 23…which is my age.
In the leadup to this weekend, when sharing with people why I was going to Melbourne, I was met with incredulity and, somewhat, judgment. Even in the ‘spiritual’ collective, for lack of a better word, there are still cliques, peer pressures, expectations and idealisations present. Something about myself didn’t fit in with the grounded, sustainable, earth-centred narrative that the Sunshine Coast spiritual community follows, and I felt some friction in that.
But friction is good! Opposition, when approached with curiosity and kindness, is a portal for a greater understanding of the human experience. How boring it would be if we were all the same.
I liken this to the yin-yang of Taoism, which I’ve recently been studying in more depth. Humans live in constant duality, but not in black and white. It’s spiral, fluid, fractal. The friction between yin and yang, light and dark, is what creates us! The tension of the interplay, or the ‘Taoist line’ is what makes life exist.
You can never be fully immersed in one ‘way’– its opposition will come to reckon with us sooner or later. An example is; when we are in our yang all the time, filling our days and burning the candle at both ends, and eventually go on a holiday, often we get sick. Our nervous system crashes, immunity is low, and we dive deep into yang’s buffer. The yin.
Once we understand that duality and its friction is a phenomenon of life itself, we can work to embody it.
If jumping in feet first feels too much, why don’t we just test the waters instead? Remind yourself why you like what you like. Hold that inside you. Keep it present. Well rooted. And observe how you feel.
Eventually, we won’t feel any kernel of shame or the desire to hide. Even with fear present, the confidence and yearning to express ourselves outshines that of the alternative. Acknowledge the friction of fear and expression and walk the line forward.
And remember– you don’t have to be in complete agreement with everyone in your life. But our differences don’t have to be divisive…